No Soba For You!
by Paris Catacombs
Summary: AU Lavi searches for something to eat in a foreign city but he gets more than he asked for. a lavi/kanda shounen-ai oneshot


**Author's Note: Special thanks to Momosportif for taking the time to beta my story. :3**

**(Note: Anything in italics when Kanda speaks means he's speaking in Japanese)**

Lavi was a traveler. He traveled from different places to different places all over the world. His next stop he was going to visit was a small beautiful country, known as Japan. Lavi stepped off the plane feeling rather horrible due to jet lag after the fourteen-hour ride but once he settled in his hotel, he bet that he would feel better the next day and would be able to venture out once he caught up on sleep. Lavi yawned and stretched. It felt good to finally be off of that small cramped airplane. Lavi collected the rest of his luggage from the conveyer belts and headed out of the airport, catching a taxi that took him to his hotel. Lavi paid the driver and headed out with his luggage to the hotel. He quickly checked in and headed up to the seventh floor. He walked down the narrowed hallway until he found his room number, 290. He smiled and unlocked the room with his key and entered. He placed his luggage on the ground and laid down on the bed, closing his eyes as slumber swiftly took over him.

Three hours had passed and Lavi's eye slowly opened. He sat up rubbing it with his fingers, trying to get a clear sight from the blurriness he sometimes got after waking up from a deep sleep. He turned his attention to the clock to discover it was seven in the evening. He had been in Japan for about three hours. He stretched out his body and heard a small rumble coming from his stomach. He hadn't eaten anything since he was on the plane.

"I should go eat something…" He muttered to himself lazily, still exhausted from the jet lag. He stood up and went to freshen himself up and change his clothes. Once he was finished he grabbed some pocket money and his room key and headed out to the city to get food.

Lavi took the elevator down all the way to the first floor and left. He walked drown the street of Tokyo, passing by some shops. He would pass a few shops and stop to look at some of the things they were selling through the window. He discovered a few interesting gadgets that they didn't have back home in America and decided he might come back there to pick some of them up. Lavi passed a small restaurant. He took a glance at it while walking right pass it and then stopped. Lavi could hear his stomach growling again and since he was too tired to actually look somewhere else to eat, he settled for this.

Lavi entered the small restaurant and found it completely empty. There was nobody sitting at the tables and he couldn't find any waiter or waitress. "Could they be in the kitchen?" He said to himself. "Maybe if I wait here for awhile, someone will come out and serve me." Lavi just decided to wait. He leaned against the wall, crossing his hands over his chest, hoping someone would appear soon. "This place can't be closed. I mean wouldn't the doors locked if it was?" Lavi was debating if he should leave to look for another place to eat dinner.

"Baka!"

Lavi was slightly caught off guard when he heard a loud shout coming from the kitchen and stopped leaning against the wall. "So someone is here?"

All of a sudden someone burst from the kitchen. Lavi blinked and stared at the person. Lavi saw that person had long blue flowing hair that was tied in a low ponytail and was wearing a white bandanna over his head. Lavi could tell the person looked around his age, eighteen. The person stopped and took a glance at Lavi. Lavi stared and then smiled. "Hi-"

"_Get the fuck out!"_

Lavi, tilting his head, stared at the young man, who had apparently yelled at him, in confusion. "E-Excuse me?"

"_Can't you read the sign?! We're closed! _The young man snapped at Lavi in Japanese.

"I don't speak Japanese…" Lavi chuckled uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his head.

The man rolled his eyes as if Lavi was mentally challenged. _"Che, stupid foreigner."_

"Um, pardon me?"

The man glared at Lavi. "You did not read sign. We close. We close a long time ago." The man tried his best to speak English words Lavi may understand but he carried a heavy accent that made it so Lavi couldn't hear it properly. Lavi blinked and stared stupidly at the man. It took some time until things finally soaked into his head. "You clothes? Oh, wait you mean close! Oh I get it. You guys are closed. Oh, I'm sorry."

"Che, you better go. You better go before I stab you." The man held up a katana, pointing it at Lavi's throat. "Don't think me won't!"

Lavi gulped slightly. "O-Okay, You don't have to threaten me you know. I just wanted something to eat."

"You go now!"

"I will… see?" Lavi slowly started edging towards the door. "I'm leaving."

"Get out stupid foreigner!"

"Wait a minute!

"What you want stupid foreigner?"

"That's no way to treat a customer, even if they are foreign. I just want something to eat. I didn't know you were closed, I apologize for that, but you could have been nicer about it." Lavi couldn't believe the lack of respect he was receiving, especially since he was a paying customer. Japanese people were supposed to be very polite! Not all of them are apparently.

_"Fuck you!'_

Lavi just sent him a glare. "……… I don't speak Japanese."

"Me said fuck you!"

Lavi's eyes twitched. He was getting fed up for putting up with the crap he was receiving. All he wanted was some food for heaven's sake! "You know what? I'm not leaving until you show me some respect."

The man looked at him, slightly taken back but then gave Lavi a nasty look of 'How dare you not leave my restaurant! Now you will be stabbed!'

Lavi glared back. "You know, I don't like that attitude you're giving me."

"So? Then go if you don't like!"

"I want food though. Please, can I just get something to eat! I'm really hungry and if I don't feel like walking around to find another place to eat it…" Lavi sighed, hoping he could plead for food instead of fighting for it."

"No!"

"Please!"

"I said no! I said you leave! You leave now or be stabbed! Chose one!"

"I _choose_ to get some bloody food in my stomach." Lavi wasn't planning on leaving until he got his food. "Come on, I'll leave you in peace with some good pocket change if I get some decent food," He grinned, hoping that persuading the young Japanese man could actually full up his stomach. Lavi watched as the man pondered about his offer for a little while.

"Fine, you stay but you better pay good money!"

Lavi sighed with relief, happy that he could get something to eat at last. "Awesome! What kind of food do you have here?"

"Soba!"

"Soba?"

"Yes Soba!"

"Is that all you have?"

"This is a soba shop!"

"What is soba anyways?"

"Soba! Noodles! Buckwheat noodles! Very delicious! Very good for you also!"

"Oh, um… I was hoping you would have more of a selection." Lavi rubbed the back of his head, laughing nervously.

"If you don't like, you leave! You leave now!" The man once again held the katana against' Lavi's throat.

"O-Okay!" Lavi sighed, not wanting to be killed. He just decided that as long as he gets food, he'll be fine. All he thought about was getting rid of the annoying sound his stomach keeps making. "I'll take the soba."

"Good! You like it warm or cold?"

Lavi gave the man a puzzled look. "Warm or cold?"

"Warm or cold?!"

"Um… warm? I suppose."

"Warm sucks! Cold is better! Me bring you cold soba!" Before Lavi could protest on saying anything else, he could the Japanese Man had already disappeared into the kitchen. Lavi sighed, leaning against the wall again with his hand crossed over his chest. He wondered how long would it be until he brought his food out. He hoped very soon, the sound of his growling stomach was driving him crazy. Lavi started to drift off in his thoughts, thinking what kind of places he wanted to do and visit in Japan. He could go see Mt. Fuji. It would be fun hiking up the mountain and taking pictures of the landscape. He could probably also visit the memorial for the people who died because of the atomic bomb in Hiroshima. Before Lavi could think of anything else, the young man from before burst through the kitchen door, holding a cold plate of soba and cup before setting it down at a table. "Come get you food!"

Lavi quickly headed over to the table and sat down. He looked at the soba strangely. "This is soba?"

"Yes, now shut up and eat!" Kanda turned and strolled into the kitchen.

Lavi took the chopsticks that were on the table and fiddled around with them in his hands, trying to use them correctly. After awhile, he finally got the hang of it and picked up a few strands of soba noodles. He noticed a cup on the table also. "Is this my drink?" He thought out loud. "Heh, I am thirsty." He smiled, and took the cup and sipped it, only to spit out the content. "Oh God! What kind of drink is that?"

"Oi! It's sauce you stupid foreigner!"

Lavi nearly jumped out of his skin when he found the Japanese man was standing behind him. "Oh, it's sauce?"

"Sauce to dip soba in! Like this!" The man roughly grabbed Lavi's hand, dipping the soba noodles into the cup and stuffing it into Lavi's mouth. "Now you chew and swallow!"

Lavi quickly chewed the soba noodles in his mouth and swallowed it right after. "Hm, not bad…"

"Not bad?! Not bad?! It's delicious! Eat more soba! Now! Or be stabbed!"

"O-Okay!" Lavi quickly gabbled up his soba and leaned back in his seat, rubbing his satisfied stomach. "Aw, that was good. Thanks for the meal…" Lavi stared at the man. "Um, what's your name?"

"You want my name? You can't have it! You pay! You pay and go or be stabbed!"

"Jeez, alright!" Lavi reached into his pack pocket. He froze when he felt his pocket was empty. He tried the other side and found that pocket was empty also. "Crap…." Lavi muttered under his breathe. He frantically searched around, trying to find his wallet so he could pay the man and not be stabbed. The man glared at Lavi with murderous intentions. "You have money? You better have money or be stabbed!"

Lavi laughed nervously. "O-Oh course I have money! I just misplaced it somewhere."

"You lie! You have no money! You try to cheap me off! Me won't allow you to cheap me off! You be stabbed!" The man held the katana up against Lavi's throat; ready to slash it at any given moment.

Lavi held up his hands defensively. "H-Hey! W-Wait a minute!"

"Me won't wait any longer! Me will stab now!" The man swiftly drew his blade back and tried to stab Lavi in the chest but Lavi was luckily enough to dodge the attack. "Hey!" Lavi quickly ran to the door but the man tackled him to the ground, pinning him. "Me won't allow you to escape! No money! No life!"

Lavi struggled under the weight of his attacker, hoping he could find something to use to defend himself with but he couldn't find anything. "Shit," he cursed when he saw the man bringing his blade up again. Lavi winced, closing his eyes and covering his face, waiting to be struck with the blade. However, Lavi could feel his arms being moved as they were pinned to the ground. He opened his eyes and saw the man hovering over him and slowly leaning down. Lavi's eyes widened. First he was going to be stabbed and now he was being kissed? That made no sense to him. The kiss lasted until the young man drew back with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Payment received. You leave now." The man stood up and grabbed his katana.

"You come back, you here!" He said before turning around and heading to the kitchen.

Lavi just laid there on then floor, rather dumbfounded and confused about the whole scenario. Lavi sat up, a blush drawing across his face.

"He kissed me?" Lavi blinked. "Why the hell did he kiss me?! What the hell is wrong with that guy! I'm leaving!" Lavi quickly stood up, dusting off his clothes and rushing out the door, not bothering to look back at it. He wanted to get back to his hotel room as soon as possible.

Lavi made a mental note to never return to that soba shop ever again.


End file.
